Things Change

Looking back over the last few years, I realize how much changes in our lives. In a four year span, I lost my mother, I divorced my husband, I bought a house and lost some friends along the way. I survived them all, not because I wanted to, but I had too. This time of year always makes me reflect on all the changes that have taken place in my life. Don has brought a new life to our relationship - things I didn't notice the first 15 years, I'm noticing now. He's a great father and person. He accepts me for who I am...and that is always changing.

About 8 or 9 months ago, my Dad and Jeanette had to start taking care of my grandma (my Dad's mom). My Dad is the oldest of his sibilings and you can tell he has defintely stepped up to the plate to take care of her. No matter what bumps in the road are thrown at him, he overcomes every one. He enjoys every day of his life like its his last. However, with this new responsiblity he doesn't have a lot of time, which again is hard for me because we spent a lot of time together. We could call him up at the last minute to do something and he could do it. Now things have to be much more planned. I miss him and Jeanette alot and even though we don't get to do as much together, I know I can always count on them. My Dad is good with change...I wish I could be more like him.

Jerry is getting married. Yep, he's moving on...which he deserves to be happy. He's a great person, who wouldn't want him in their life. This is difficult for me because I immediately think he has forgotten about my mother. This change that is happening in his life is affecting me more than I wanted it too. I thought I would be OK with him moving on, but in all reality, I'm not. The pain is so deep that its hard not to cry when I think about it. My mother would want him to be happy with someone...but being happy with someone doesn't mean he has to marry her. I love Jerry, but the one thing about him that I love is changing. I'm not sure I'm ready for that change.

On a brighter note, my kids are changing and I'm loving it. They both have become fine young boys. Zach has finally come out of his shell...he's socializing a lot with his friends and actually doing things with them. Zach is more like me than I thought. Mason is becoming more like Don, his actions, words and manerisms are identical - it's a little scarey. Both of them are a lot of fun to be around and this is a change I can live with.

Things change...now I have to learn to change with them!